Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize