my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
