Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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