I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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