I bet he comes in French.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
