My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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