The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
