i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
