yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
