It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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