Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize