so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
