You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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