do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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