Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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