she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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