what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
