all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
