I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
