so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
