I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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