hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Bring me that man meat
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
