My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize