I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just puked most of my soul out..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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