im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
