Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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