When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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