Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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