You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Enjoy the penises
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize