Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
