first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
