I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
