you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
