so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
