So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize