her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Come on in and take your pants off
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