Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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