you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was confusing and full of hummus
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
