Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
