why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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