talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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