boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
