dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
