She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize