I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
