don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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