I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
