C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm bleeding and have questions
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
