I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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