we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize