Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
