i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
