Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
