I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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