I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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