before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
