Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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