I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
