Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
