This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
