hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
