If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
