i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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