I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
