i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
