JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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