Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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