"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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