Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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