the new term for farting is butt boxing.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
