you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
