I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
