just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
