you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize