i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
