Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
