i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
