If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
