i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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