Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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