quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
