I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
