Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
