Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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