They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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