I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
