Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
