so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
