What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
