i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
