You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
