Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
