I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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