I wannas sexs uuuuu
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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