Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
