I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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