forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
