The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
