He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
