so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
