GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How does one acquire holy water?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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