i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
