Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize