This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
