I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
