playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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