the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
